Human Design? Not recommended.

After 5 years of living my Human Design Experiment I can confidently say that for most people I don’t recommend it.

The Human Design Experiment is an initiation into the love of yourself. In HD this is what we call “awakening” or being awake. The channel of awakening moves from Gate 10 in the G Center to Gate 20 in the throat. Gate 10 is the gate of behavior & the love of self. Gate 20 is the gate of the “now” and manifestation in the moment. Can you love yourself existentially in the moment?

This channel is in individual circuitry, meaning it is not about sharing, it is not about support, it is all alone. It is about self empowerment. The Human Design Experiment is inherently extreme and anit-social. Enlightened Selfishness has much to do with awakening and the energetic shift of the planet come 2027.

We can see that in “being awake” (Channel 10-20) there is no Spleen for a sense of safety and security, there is no motor energy to do something with it, there’s no intellectual awareness to analyze it or give it meaning, there’s no Solar Plexus to make it pleasurable and there’s certainly no Ego to prove how awake it is.

It is just the G; identity, direction, anit-mundane love, the driver of the vehicle (our body) - in form (the Throat). We are just a personality crystal and design crystal held together by the monopole manifested into form flying through whatever the fuck this existence is.

We are a soul stuck in a body with the potential of self reflected consciousness and the one thing that keeps us all from killing ourselves and exiting this most confusing and unsolvable mystery is the presence, the knowing, the feeling and experience that we are love. And that alone is enough to endure and overcome even the darkest moments imaginable. 

Looking back at my experience, my years of depression and times of wishing I wasn’t alive I can see that the most dangerous threat to my existence, fulfillment of my purpose and enjoyment of this incarnation was simply forgetting this truth. Losing that feeling. Just blind to the everpresent existence of love.

A psychic once told me that I had “spiritual narcolepsy” and every incarnation I come in forgetting, have a miserable time, then wake up and get to enjoy the remainder of my life. I believe it.

Human Design was the defibrillator that electroshocked me back into remembering, back into my heart. I can say Human Design saved my life. Maybe literally, maybe just from a life of misery it doesn't matter. Here I still am.

So why wouldn’t I recommend it?

When I found Human Design I had nothing to lose, my mental and physical health were at an all time low. My romantic relationship and business had simultaneously fallen apart. I was broke, very alone and just hit the rock at the bottom. I was done with the way I had been living my life.

When I first saw my chart, found out I was a Projector and given this radically different approach to success and recognition I thought, sign me up. If it doesn’t work I’ll still be broke and alone… big deal. I had nothing to lose, no responsibility, no family, no career, no money. Just me.

Most people don’t meet Human Design this way. Most have acquired a lot by the time they see their chart and most have a pretty decent life. If you have a good life, if you have a family, if you have a level of financial comfort, if you have a lot of tribal responsibility you’ve accumulated over the years, forget about the Human Design Experiment. Chances are you’re not going to live it and trying will most likely create some major tension. 

I’m coming to realize that this experiment is for a very select few and I didn’t choose it, it chose me.

Looking deeper into my chart I carry the channel 51-25 the archetype of the shaman. My life is a series of leaps into the unknown. I am the bridge that leads to awakening (10-20). I have no choice but to meet initiations head on and I was gifted the courage, the gall, the will to land on my feet.

It’s the most dangerous bridge for someone who “has.” It’s the bridge that leaves tribal support behind, the family behind, religion behind, sacrifice behind. It leads to innocence, universal love and the opportunity to find yourself. BUT Once you go across that bridge, if you even make it, there’s a high probability that you turn around and see you’ve lost everything you worked your whole not-self life for.

You see things you can’t unsee.

Your spouse isn’t for you. 

You wonder if having kids was the right choice.

Your career that provides you comfort does nothing for your soul.

Your friends aren’t really friends.

Your place isn’t really your place.

At first awakening with Human Design is really a sobering realization and death of who you thought you were.

On the other side of that bridge is a giant fucking mirror and you’re forced to look, naked, no stories, just cold innocent truth. And there’s your opportunity for the first time to love yourself. All alone. To see your beauty. To empower and embrace your unique purpose.

Let me caveat by saying I’m a 3rd line - the natural pessimist. Now you may not lose everything. You may just lose that which is holding you back. You may survive the journey, empower yourself and return to meet your tribal obligations and relationships in a more authentic way. But I honestly doubt it.

I could sell you awakening. I know that game. My other channel besides the 51-25 is the 44-26 the tribal salesman. I could say hey, come get a Human Design session with me it’s going to change your life. I’m going to initiate you into awakening for $500… You see it everywhere on Instagram. Use Human Design to make more money, attract love, find your purpose! It’s possible, it happened to me, but it’s been the most radically insane experiment of surrender. You see it everywhere in the plant medicine space. All the fake shamans saying come to my retreat and drink the ayahuasca you’re going to have a mystical experience. It’s a bunch of bullshit.

The truth is you don’t get to choose. The initiation will find you. The medicine will find you. Human Design will find you. 

And if it has I’m not saying don’t go into it. Study it if it lights you up. If you’re excited for a reading, get one. Take a course. Do what you want to do. Just don’t put pressure on yourself to live it. To be the perfect Projector, Generator, Manifestor or whatever. Enjoy the sacrifices you’ve made for your loved ones and your family. It's what was asked of us during the last 400 years.

For most Human Design is interesting and that’s all it will remain. They just want to look, they want the information, they want to see what’s there and wonder. But they won’t be ready in this life to live it. And that’s why plant medicine is so dangerous, most people just want the information that the medicine might bring, they aren’t ready to integrate it into their lives and make massive changes.

I used to take issue with that, I used to so badly want people to experience what’s possible if they live it. I think it’s the energy of the 51-25 waiting to initiate the awakening. 

In a way I’m kind of designed to initiate an identity crisis in people who are ready to embody their true self. And most people that show up in my life are really on the verge of stepping into their power.

Ra always said he’s not in the sheep business he’s in the wolf business. No wonder he never made much money. He knew he could make a lot more by being a guru and being in the sheep business but that’s not him and I appreciate his authenticity. After attending the retreat in Ibiza and meeting a lot of the original students of Ra I also no longer wonder why he got so angry at the end. He must have ended up with maybe a handful of wolves. Lots of sheep in wolf's clothing.

All I’m saying is don’t go looking for it because you’re not going to get what you “think” you want. Don’t try to live it, if it’s correct for you you won’t be able to stop it. Ra always talks about the practicality of Human Design and it is extremely practical in its mechanical nature compared to something like Astrology. But in my opinion it’s the most impractical way to live life for the vast majority of humanity.

Be real with yourself, look at what you have even if you feel it’s not right for you and see the beauty in it. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to do or change,  just awareness of where we are in this moment, right now. All we ever need is to REMEMBER. No matter what, IT is there. Strong or weak, all encompassing or almost undetectable. The mystery will never leave us. The ever present frequency letting us know that we are love.